


Always

by GrimmKurosaki



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Cancer, M/M, Sad Ending, Song Lyrics, Tell me if I should put more tags, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-12-17 05:57:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11845356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrimmKurosaki/pseuds/GrimmKurosaki
Summary: Levi took them both to the stars, and their hearts will forever remain above and beyond.Always.





	Always

**Author's Note:**

> So my hand is feeling better now, but before I finish up the last chapter to Guided Discipline I wanted to post a little angst. I'm terrible at angst, but I love it so I gave it a shot. Happy reading!

Silence.

It loomed heavy in the air; no nightly creak of the floorboards, no whistle of wind through the small crack in the window, no muffled sobs to break the ever present quiet of the small room in which a lone man sat upon his bed. Lifeless. Broken. His once piercing silver eyes were now dull and empty of the joy that used to envelope him in an embrace and make him feel warm and content...by his side.

 _He_  was no more.

A sharp intake of breath scattered the silence and he shifted slightly, a photo in his hand in danger of crinkling around the edge with the firm grasp on it. He moved stiffly, as if every movement caused him pain, then he stilled. His breathing mellowed, allowing for the silence to fall and settle once more like snow on a winter night.

Silence.

It grew heavier, white noise beginning to permeating the air with tenacity. It was a wild buzz in his ear that he loathed and he wished it would cease, for the love of God, please stop.

 _"Please."_  It was a broken plea, voice gravelly and tainted by suffering. The loss of Isabel and Farlan years before did not compare to the agony of losing his beloved, his precious, his everything.

"My Eren," he whispered.  _Where are you now?_  He stared at the picture in his hand, one taken a year before that had easily been one of his favorites, even though he tried to deny  _ever_  liking any picture they took together, this one was still his favorite.

They were at the beach, the water behind them on the sunny day and Eren had the brightest smile on his face, putting all the other beach goers to shame with his bright green eyes, dazzling white teeth, and sun-kissed skin. His hair was darkened by the water he had just ran out of and he kicked sand everywhere in his excitement. It was, after all, his first time seeing the ocean, and Levi was more than willing to buy a small house nearby with the promise of seeing the water any time he so wished.

'Let's take a picture together,' he had said, and Levi groaned and obliged. But for the first time, with an arm around Eren's waist and lips pressed to Levi's cheek, he smiled. It was small, but it was there, and the boy had been so fucking happy, so...beautifully happy.

So beautiful, even until his last breath.

That day at the beach was the last day he looked healthy. Each day he grew sicker, the illness taking him in its hold and squeezing him like a rag until the life was drained from him, bit by bit. He grew weaker. He was fatigued, too tired to leave the bed. He puked for hours on end, sometimes it would be bloody, and Levi would be in the room, right by his side, combing fingers through his hair and humming softly to lull him into sleep. Some days he was more active and he said he felt better, taking showers, getting dressed, going out for short periods of time to see those he cared for. But then the sickness would take him again, and he would cry and cry until his pillow was wet and his eyes were puffy and sore. He was terrified. Absolutely terrified. They didn't know what was going on until they finally went to see a professional.

Oh, how Levi wished it was all a cruel joke. He wanted to punch that doctor and tell him he was lying, tell him he was making the worst joke imaginable.

Eren was diagnosed with Gastric cancer; the survival rates were extremely low, and...they were just too late. He went through chemotherapy treatments, medications, a gastrectomy, and even then he only had 3 months to live. If they had brought him in sooner, they could have extended his life by a few years at the least, and the surgery would have completely dealt with the cancer. All their attempts to keep him alive for a little longer were futile.

His memories flooded in and he picked through them aimlessly, deciding to reminisce on one of their last blissful nights together. It pained him to remember, brought him suffering of an unimaginable kind, but that night months ago settled Eren's fretful heart and he drifted peacefully into accepting his fate. For once, he could breathe. For once, he could enjoy the last moments without fear dragging him into the dark depths of his mind. He was free.

Blissfully free.

* * *

_Levi awoke with a start, his terrible dreams plaguing his sleep and tearing his mind apart. Eren would be gone soon, sooner than he would ever have anticipated, and he heaved a shuddering breath at the prospect. Beside him the boy slept, eyebrows knitted together and his lips were a thin line. He, too, was in a fitful state and Levi gently brushed strands of hair from his eyes. His fingers ghosted over his skin, urging those pesky fears from his mind. If he couldn't save him, he would be his protector until the end. That's all he could do._

_Until the end, he would salvage his sanity._

_Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed lips against his forehead and whispered against his skin, "I will protect you, Eren. I will. I promise."_

_"I know," came the simple, quiet response, but it was filled with a love that Levi could never fathom. He smiled with a fleeting sigh and gazed down at the oceanic eyes that were darkened and sparkling by the lazy blue hue the moon cast into the room._

_"I didn't mean to wake you," he murmured._

_Eren slipped a hand from beneath the covers and cupped his pale face with a lopsided smile, brushing a thumb over his cheek._

_"I'll take any chance I have to look at you, Levi." Bringing their faces close, he nudged the older man's nose with his own. "My Levi."_

_"My Eren."_

_And idea came to mind, a crazy one, but a good one nonetheless. Levi's own hand slid up and covered Eren's, pressing his face farther into that loving warmth he so cherished. God, he will miss this._

_"Let's go to the beach, right now."_

_"Now?" he questioned._

_The man nodded and regretfully tore himself away from him and slid out of the bed, going to the closet to look for clothes. Pulling on pants and a tee, he then brought over the same for the boy who groaned as he sat up. His body was stiff and it pained him if he moved too much. He was too weak for moving around much these days, but he made do where it counted. So, he carefully stood and almost fell when pulling on his pants, Levi catching him by the shoulders with a worried expression. He was never one to express much, but for Eren, he would do anything._

_Once dressed and Levi had everything he needed, he lent Eren a hand and he took it gingerly and without complaint, stopping to steady himself every so often on the trip to the car. He was wobbly and it took all his strength to finally reach the vehicle and sit himself down in the seat. Levi pressed a kiss to his cheek before shutting the door and hurrying around to the other side. Every moment without his lover by his side was precious time wasted, and he wanted to drink in ever moment he could before..._

_In this moment, nothing else mattered except for the living, breathing being sitting beside him. All that mattered was Eren. Sweet Eren._

_He was alive. He was here. Still here..._

_Still decaying._

_Slowly and painfully._

_Withering away like leaves in autumn._

_Levi tensed, and his pain must have showed on his face, for his gentle lover placed a hand over his and squeezed with the small amount of strength he could muster. It soothed him and he breathed a heavy sigh, turning on the car and pulling out of their little driveway. The beach was only 15 minutes away, over a bridge. He drove at a steady pace, their fingers intertwined and caressing each other softly, lovingly._

_The bridge was up ahead and he pressed on the gas, hiking up his speed significantly. Only a few cars were on the road at this hour and it made it that much easier to drive._

_Eren spoke up beside him, "When we said 'Until death do us part' I didn't think...it would be over so soon."_

_"Shh, I know." He knew, and it tugged at his heartstrings. He released his hand momentarily and pushed a disc into the slot, searching for the song he wanted. "For now lets focus on tonight. It's just you and I, brat. Just you and I."_

_The music began to play and Levi's deep voice sung along, glancing over at Eren to see him staring back intently. He was hurting. Badly._

_"Whenever I'm alone with you,_  
You make me feel like I am home again.  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am whole again."

I will protect you, remember?

 _"Whenever I'm alone with you,_  
You make me feel like I am young again.  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am fun again."

I will always protect you. Until the end.

 _"However far away,_  
I will always love you.  
However long I stay,  
I will always love you.  
Whatever words I say,  
I will always love you.  
I will always love you."

_With a quick glance out of the corner of his eye, he could see sparkling tears streaming down Eren's face and it broke his heart further. Reaching over with a free hand, he brushed those pesky tears away with a thumb. He had to steel himself, for his sake._

_"Whenever I'm alone with you,_  
You make me feel like I am free again.  
Whenever I'm alone with you,  
You make me feel like I am clean again."

_Eren managed a soft smile, his eyes raging with a sadness that matched the waves below them that yearned to reach the shore._

_"However far away,_  
I will always love you.  
However long I stay,  
I will always love you.  
Whatever words I say,  
I will always love you.  
I will always love you."

I am your protector, my Eren. Never forget.

_The song died away and they were left in a comfortable silence, the hum of the road filling the empty space. Eren leaned against the door, his head lolling against the window in exhaustion. For a minute Levi felt terrible about bringing him away from the comfort of the bed, but he shoved that thought aside. Neither of them will regret this night. He will make sure of it._

_"How much longer?" he questioned tiredly._

_"Not much longer, Eren. Not much longer."_

Not much longer before you leave me.

_The light of the moon glinted off the water, a dazzling effect that reflected in Eren's tired eyes. His head lolled. Exhaustion was evident._

_They reached the end of the bridge and the beach was nearby, choosing to park in a space right beside a sandy walkway. It was a short distance from here to the shore. Levi shut off the engine and got out of the car, making his way over to the trunk. Opening it, he found a small blanket and deemed it old enough to use on the sand. He opened Eren's door and offered a hand, which the brunet took to steady himself as he exited. Levi gave him the blanket._

_"I'll carry you," he said and bent to pick him up, one arm under his knees and the other behind his shoulders. Eren immediately wrapped his arms around his lover with a soft hum of content and Levi began the short trek to the shore, working to keep his balance on the fine sand with the boy in his arms. The small blanket was wrapped in a tight bundle between their bodies._

_"Levi," he whispered against his neck._

_"Yes, Eren?"_

_"I don't wanna die."_

_Those words send a sharp pang through his heart and he came to a stop by the shore where the water touched gently licked at his shoes, staring out at the vast expanse of ocean and listening to the soft lull of the waves. What do you say to that? The thing is, you don't. He couldn't._

_Gently, he lowered Eren, the blanket falling to the ground. The boy stood to the side and watched Levi lay out the blanket, hiccuping once as if he was going to start crying, but there were no tears to taint his beautiful skin. He stood motionless. He closed his eyes, receding into himself and shutting everything out. His eyebrows knitted together and his jaw clenched._

_Anger._

_"Eren," he called, softly. No response. "Eren," he said again, walking up to him to cup his face in his hands. "Let me see those beautiful eyes."_

_Finally, he slowly opened his eyes and in them laid an anger so profound that the man almost took a step back. He held his face and stared lovingly, willing Eren to let go of that emotion, urging him to relax. And eventually, he did. It came in the form of slumped shoulders and a long exhale, leaning into Levi's touch._

_"There we go, Eren. That's it," he murmured and wrapped his arms protectively around his thin, frail frame. The body against him began to tremble and he felt a wetness in the crook of his neck, followed by gut wrenching sobs that tore Levi to pieces._

_"I don't wanna l-leave you, I don't wanna die, I-I cant stand the thought of you...you being alone. I can't, Levi, I-"_

_"Shhh, I'll be here with you until the end, brat. Don't you worry about me," he cooed. "I'll be here, and I'm here now. You're with me, and that's all that matters." He held him tighter, his own eyes glassy with tears ready to spill, but he closed his eyes tight and willed them away._

_He would continue, dammit, he would try with all his might to continue on when Eren leaves this world. His heart ached with a deep misery, yearning and praying for more time, just a little more...time. That's all he could ever ask for._

_When the sobbing ceased as did the trembling, he pulled away from the boy and held him at arms length, searching his eyes for any more signs of crying and was satisfied when he found none._

_"Take off your shoes and lie with me." Levi made sure Eren was steady on his feet before releasing him and toeing off his own pair. The waves just barely missed the edge of the blanket so he moved it another foot away and settled himself down atop the soft fleece. He motioned for the brunet to come and slowly he eased himself down next to Levi, deciding to rest his head on his arm. A soft sigh escaped his lips, from weariness or contentment Levi wasn't sure._

_"Look how beautiful the stars are, Eren. Out here, you can see thousands." He lifted his unoccupied hand and pointed, quietly uttering different constellations to his lover. He received hums in response._

_In this moment, everything is as it should be, and how it should always be. Serene. Peaceful. Tender. Eren's presence was his refuge. His sanity._

_"Levi."_

_"Yes, Eren?"_

_"Make love to me."_

_Levi immediately lifted his head and stared at him with worry, Eren having sat up and was now staring right back with a renewed determination plastered to his face. Ah, like the old days._

_"Eren..."_

_"Please."_

_"Eren, we haven't done anything like that since you got sick, and I don't want to hurt you."_

_"Just...one last time. One last time, Levi, please. Make love to me." His voice cracked and his lip quivered, but he was sure. So sure. "Make me reach the stars before I die."_

_They stared at one another, Levi with uncertainty and Eren with determination, and slowly, he caved. He caved so hard, that when he sat up and captured the boy's lips and kissed him with a burning passion and undying love, Eren felt everything, and he returned it equally as much. Muscular arms made their way around his slim waist and guided him down onto the blanket. So tenderly they kissed; clothes disappeared, bodies melded and moved together. They knew everything about each other, every dip, curve, crevice, every sweet spot, every ticklish piece of skin. Levi worshipped him, peppering kisses down his neck, his chest, abdomen, thighs. Massaging him, drowning him in his unadulterated love. Gently preparing Eren to be filled with him, and entering. They moved together, slow, burning, filling him deeply and showing him absolute love that will last an eternity, a love that will exist far beyond either of them._

_Levi took them both to the stars, and their hearts will forever remain above and beyond._

_Always._

* * *

Silence.

It loomed heavy in the air; no nightly creak of the floorboards, no whistle of wind through the small crack in the window, no muffled sobs to break the ever present quiet of the small room in which a lone man sat upon his bed. Lifeless. Broken. His once piercing silver eyes were now dull and empty of the joy that used to envelope him in an embrace and make him feel warm and content...by his side.

Eren passed away a week after their night together, and on that night Levi died as well. He functioned mechanically, going about his day as usual, working, running errands, cleaning, and working out. He put up a wall and avoided any and all forms of companionship and company, completely shutting away his emotions behind a titanium door, where they will stay until the end of his days.

Yet, one emotion he couldn't bear to lock away was his love for Eren. He could never forget.

They were in the stars together, and he would always love his Eren.

Always.


End file.
